Pregnancy Update

I was thinking this morning that I haven't really documented my pregnancy in detail this go around.  I feel so blessed to be carrying our fourth child, I wouldn't want the memories to fade.  I guess I do this more for my sake than anyone else's...just bare with me.

The first two or three weeks were rough.  I felt sick, weak, nauseous, grumpy.  I kept thinking to myself...here we go again!  But after about the third week I started coming out of it a little bit.  Instead of all day, I'd have a rough morning and then by lunch time I'd feel so much better.  Or I'd have a great day and by evening I was feeling sick all over again.  But even then, those moments became fewer and fewer until I didn't feel sick at all.  The greatest and most consistant side effect has been my lack of energy especially in the later afternoon.  Once 2:00/3:00 rolls around it's all I can do some days to keep going and resist the pull from my bed.  Other days I'm lucky and I can crash for an hour and wake up feeling revived.

By the time my first appointment at 8 weeks came I was feeling considerably better (such a contrast from my last pregnancy) and they decided to do an ultrasound just to get an accurate measurement of the baby.  It was around this time I remember telling Charlie how good I felt and how I was a little anxious to see the baby on the screen.  There were many times when I felt like I wasn't pregnant at all. Doubt would start creeping in and I would second guess myself and the positive pregnancy test.  So when I saw that little peanut up on the screen wiggling around and saw that tiny little heart fluttering, I felt a rush of peace and relief.

The confirmation of what I visibly saw on the screen pushed my doubts aside for a few weeks and I was finally able to go about my daily life without worry.  But as time wore on and the memory of that little peanut started to fade the doubt started to creep back in.  I worried over the health of this baby and if it was still inside me thriving and living and growing.  I was certain I'd wake up one morning or go to the bathroom only to discover a great disappointment and loss.  Why was I such a basket case?  I'd often ask myself.  Why can't I just be grateful I'm not sick and enjoy this pregnancy?

Finally my second appointment came at around 15 weeks.  I was so anxious to hear the heartbeat.  I remember telling Pam that I've been worried about this pregnancy since I don't feel sick and she just reminded me that every pregnancy is so different.  Her calm demeanor put me at ease and I reminded myself, as I had done a hundred times before that, that I've been over reacting.  She got the doppler out and searched and searched for that little tiny heartbeat.  My own heart started beating faster and faster as she searched and continued to search for that little rhythmic beating.  Finally, after what seemed like a century, she found it!  I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes and couldn't hold back the tears.  What a relief!!  I knew at that moment that I needed to stop doubting and let faith take hold and that everything was going to work out.

Since then I haven't doubted.  It's also helped that the baby is growing more and more and thus I feel it moving and kicking around inside and the fact that I can't fit any of my clothes.  What a blessing to have this precious life growing inside of me.  Even though this is my fourth time around, it would be easy to take it for granted and view it lightly.  But I don't at all.  I feel entirely blessed and grateful for this experience and this great opportunity to be entrusted with another child of God.

September 5 will be our second ultrasound.  I am excited to see our little one again and we are both anxious to find out the gender.

Dallin really wanted to take a picture of my belly so I gave
 him my phone and he lovingly chopped off my head and
 made the picture extra blurry...but there you go!
Four months preggo.