I get these random thoughts at weird times of the day so I'll grab my phone and start a new note in my notes app. I had the idea to write down some thoughts I've been having about motherhood. Then the more I thought about it the more I loved the idea of writing it down for my girls so they know right from their own mother while I'm still in the thick of it how I feel about this important calling. (how's that for a run-on sentence) Here's what I came up with.
Things I Want My Girls To Know About Motherhood
1: Never say "Oh, I'll never...." fill in the blank with things like "feed my baby a bottle", "get an epidural", "feed my child fast food", "be induced", "spank my child". You will eat your words every time! Desperate times call for desperate measures and sometimes you gotta relax and let go. Try looking at things in a larger picture and you'll realize certain things aren't always as bad as they sound.
2: Never judge another mother. This is a hard one...and in fact, we shouldn't be judging anyone but especially mothers. When it comes to mothering there are so many factors involved. Every child is so different and every mother parents differently. Just worry about being the best mom you can be. Instead of judging try being helpful or encouraging.
3: Find other mothers who inspire and lift. There are plenty of negative people out there who will look down on you for choosing motherhood. Just ignore it all and remember the divine gift that motherhood is. Choose friends that equally embrace this calling and encourage you to be a better mother.
4: The number of children you have does not indicate the quality of mother you are. I say this in an encouraging way, to help you understand that you don't have to have it all figured out to have another baby. It's easy to think that you must master the art of motherhood with your first child in order to move on and have another. And once you have the next, you ought to be even better at this whole thing to even consider a third. It's not true! Yes, certain things can be mastered and learned but the majority of mothering is learned at the moment from day to day, situation by situation. Each child you bring into your life will come with their own unique little spirits and it won't be the same each time. Even from the very start at pregnancy to delivery and through the years, each one will be different. Prayerfully consider how many children to have and know that Heavenly Father will help and support you with each one.
5: If you don't feel like you are contributing anything look again. It's so easy for a mother to feel underappreciated. You'll feel like the little mundane and boring things you do all day every day are just that: mundane and boring. And they will be if you allow it. But if you can change how you look at it, as a service for the ones you love the most, you can start to view your tasks differently and you can take joy and pride in all you do. Plus, there's nothing wrong with pointing out to your family the things you've done for them that day. Sometimes giving them a little nudge will pour on the compliments, which always feels good.
6: Breastfeeding or formula feeding, what to choose? I'm no expert on the subject so I'll leave it up to you to decide. But I will say this, if you don't even TRY to nurse your babies I'll be disappointed but I'll get over it. Here's what I did: I nursed all five of you for at least 7 months. I had to wean Dallin at 7 months because he started using me as a teether once his teeth started coming in and he was causing such great pain I even bled. Kenzie pretty much weaned herself at 8 months. Whenever Dallin would walk into the room at feeding time she would stop nursing to see what her brother was up to. Although I tried to nurse in a different room, he always seemed to find us. Alayna could have nursed forever! She was my longest at 13 months even after a few clogged ducts and mastitis, I was able to persevere. Geneil was a good eater but she, like Dallin, started teething on me. I didn't allow it to get too painful before I weaned her at around 8 months. On top of that, we were in the process of moving and I needed help in feeding her. Sadie is currently 6 months old and she's still going strong, we'll see how long we can make it. I'll be honest with you though, breastfeeding is hard and it hurts, especially in the beginning. Once you get past the first three weeks or so it's much better and you will enjoy it. There's a special bond that forms between you and your baby when you nurse that no one else has. It's unique and precious and only lasts for just a short time, try to enjoy it! But beware, if you notice anything unusual or start feeling pain take care of it quickly. The longer you put it off the worse it gets. So if you were to ask me someday if you should breastfeed or not, I would recommend that if you can and your situation allows, do it, you won't regret it!
7. Just when you think you've figured it out, things change. I'm not kidding you...every time I felt like I finally got the baby into a good sleeping pattern the baby would get immunization shots, or start teething, or get sick, or hit a growth spurt, or whatever, and completely throw off the sleeping schedule. My advice...just roll with it. There isn't much you can do about it, just know it'll happen.
8. Temper tantrums....I haven't met a toddler who hasn't had one...or two...or 50! This was a hard one for me as a first-time mom. I really had no clue a child could completely take on a whole new life form by screaming, lashing out, kicking, hitting, screaming, and crying...sometimes biting! Holy cow! This sweet child you've always known has now turned into a monster! You might start to doubt your parenting abilities at this point or you might feel the urge to give in to the child just to get them to stop, but my advice is this: stand your ground! For example, your child asks for a snack 30 min before dinner time and you answer "no, it's almost time for dinner." The child's reaction is a temper tantrum. I learned to tell myself that this is the child's problem, not mine. Don't make it your problem too and don't take it personally. Find a safe place for the child (like a crib) to kick and scream. Let the child "vent" for a bit and if they don't calm down on their own you can then go in and try to reason with the child after a bit. It's the only way I've found that works so that I don't lose my cool as well.
9. Pray for your child(ren). There will be times when you simply have no idea what to do but Heavenly Father knows. Recently I've prayed to help me potty train Gennie. She's been such a hard one to potty train and I've really been at my wit's ends with her, trying everything I can think of. After praying about it Heavenly Father gave me the advice to stop spanking her and getting mad at her when she pees on the floor. This has helped me tremendously to handle the situation without making the Spirit leave our home. She still pees on the floor sometimes but I've learned to keep my cool. On another occasion, Kenzie was feeling injustice in her life. She was pouting and crying as she got into the front seat of the car. She curled up in her seat, turned to the window, obviously avoiding me. I prayed to know what to say to my daughter. Instantly a question came to my mind and eventually she came around. We were able to strike up a conversation. Her feelings and mood changed dramatically and by the time we got home, we were smiling and laughing. He listens! We need to ask!
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